Well here it is 0235 and here I am awake, why you ask...? well I have really no clue, as I AM tired but for some reason to restless to sleep so here I sit at my computer wasting time away. You would think that I would take this time to clean up my messy house but ...nope! I sit here clicking away at the key board with nothing really to say.. just that I need to sleep!
Things on my mind:
I am missing my family and friends right now, with it being so close to Christmas I sit and tend to wonder what my baby sister is up to and where all of my friends are headed for the season. I am not sorry for the move to Texas, it is a step on to the path in life that Mike and I want to be on, but it is a Oh So Hard step to make and take! It's even harder when I see Melessa down in the dumps and crying because she wants to go back to her friends and see family again. It's hard to hear Morgan ask when 'so and so ' is going to come see him again. I know that with each holiday and passing year things will get eaiser and easier but this year they are hard, they are loney, and at times they are sad.
I also tend to sit and think about my Mom at this time of year, even as I type this I have tears. I miss her more at times like this- Christmas, birthdays, ect... just like anyone who has ever lost anyone in life. I wonder what she would have thought of my children, I know that they would have been her whole world, she always talked about how she wanted grandkids- one boy and one girl, funny how I now have both, lol. How she would buy them ponies and all that they could ever want in the world. I wonder what she would think of Mike. Would she like him? respect him? be buddies with him? Mike and Mom are a lot a like in a lot ways. I think she would have liked him, or at least I hope so. I wonder a lot about what she would think of me, how I 'came out' in life. I haven't always made the best choices in life but I have a great life now with a great husband who makes me and his children his whole world. How could I even pray for more in life? I am so very Blessed in life.
But I still cry tears of sorrow when there is no one around with how much I miss her, with how much I wish she was still here with us. I wish she could have seen what an amazing bride my baby sister made this past May. I cry tears for the years with Mom; that Becca didn't get and at times I feel guilty for the years that I did get. For all of the advice that she would of still given me in life, given Becca, given my children. So Merry Christmas Mom, wish you were here.
Well I better sign off and get to bed it's almost 0300 and I need to get up before 0730!
