Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

10 Disgusting Things Only A Mom Would Do

 
10 Disgusting Things Only A Mom Would Do



I saw this posting over at love and marriage blog and it had me just ROLLING with laughter I just had to share it with all of you!
I have done 9/10 things! And most of the time I don't even give them a second thought! What about you? What have you done?

Here is the posting:

May 14, 2014 by
When you become a parent you do so many gross things you never imagined.  It’s bad enough that you have to wipe the poop off of someone’s butt for a solid two and a half years or so – but did you know you’d be wearing that poop?

I know dad’s do a lot of these same things, but moms seems to me the one’s doing the majority of the cringe-worthy acts.  Our stomachs somehow change when we give birth and suddenly snot and vomit don’t ignite our gag reflexes anymore.

10 Disgusting Things Only Moms Do


1.  Wipe snot with your bare hands.  Proceed to wipe said snot onto your pants.  What are you to do if your child blows snot and you don’t have a tissue?

2.  Smell things to determine what they are.  Is that poop?  Did you just throw up?  There’s only one way to tell…

3.  Stick your hand in the toilet.  Those pacifiers aren’t going to retrieve themselves.

4.  Smell someones butt.  The easiest way to determine if someone has soiled a diaper is to shove your face up against it and take a deep breath.  Yep, that’s poop.

5.  Wear baby spit-up with no intentions of changing.  Yeah, I know I have spit-up on the front of my t-shirt – I can smell it, too.  But what’s the point of changing when I’m going to be spit on again in 20 minutes?

6.  Pick someone else’s nose.  “Let me get your booger” is a phrase commonly heard at my house.  I see them there and I just have to get them.  Doesn’t gross me out in the least.

7.  Allow your kids throw up on you.  One time Brady got sick, started throwing up all over me and I just sat there and held him while he did it.  I quickly moved into the bathtub before the second round hit but never once did I push him away from me.  He needed to feel comforted much more than I needed fresh clothes.  All moms do it.  I’ve even known a few to catch it in their hands.

8.  Investigate poop.  The color, the amount, the texture… these things tell us a lot about our kids bellies.  It also usually gives us too much insight into their last meal.

9.  Clean their face with your spit.  A good spit shine is just as good as a wet wipe.

10.  Catch their unwanted, chewed up food in your hands. “Eww I don’t like this!” and then they lean over and spit the food into your hand before you have a chance to hand them a napkin.  Why they feel like this, and not their plate, is the best option, I don’t know.


Tell me…what gross thing have you done as a parent?

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Just a quick update on us

Thought I would give you all a quick update on how we are doing.
I would almost swear that the kids are getting bigger by the moment!
Max is such a little ham, now every time I pull out a camera he gives me the worlds biggest cheesy-est smile.
Morgan he growing taller by the moment,  he is really starting to enjoy cub scouts.
And Melessa is turning into a beautiful young lady right before our eyes. We are staying busy with the remodel, Mike is at the point of putting in the tile in Morgans bathroom. It wont be much longer before its all finished!  Can you read my excitement? I am so blessed to have a hubby that is so talented and can do so much on his own. I have been busy with kids like always,  I don't mind though I love being able to stay home and be Mom full time. I know there are many out there that aren't able to and wish they were.  I wish I had a more exciting update haha but hey what can I say? We love our life and know how blessed we are to have it. Here are some pictures...

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Are YOU ready for kids? Find out here...

  Are You Ready for Kids??





I saw this and just had to share! It made me laugh and at times I think it described my children perfectly!

Think you are ready to have children? Hilarious new parent test taking mummy blogs by storm MIGHT just put you off...

By Bianca London
|
Most broody mothers see having a child as a wonderful gift from God but one blogger has set about putting paid to that ideal.
A candid parent test highlighting the high and lows of motherhood is taking the internet by storm after being reposted on countless mothering blogs.
The Test For Future Parents by author Colin Falconer comprises 14 steps to follow before you have children and was originally printed in his book 'A beginners guide to fatherhood' in 1992 before finding its was on to parenting blogs in the UK, most recently Mamami by Chet, who was sent the parenting test by a friend.
Think you're ready for motherhood? Read this hilarious blog and reconsider that
Think you're ready for motherhood? Read this hilarious blog and reconsider that
Chet said: 'Most people will tell you that "it" is the hardest, most rewarding, rollercoaster job you will ever have - there's no pay, you are on duty 24/7 and, at times, it seems like there are few rewards.
'Being a parent has its ups and downs. I wouldn't change my title as "mummy" for anything in the world, however when this came through my inbox from a great friend it made me laugh (a lot!)'
If you think you are ready to embrace the joys of motherhood, we have printed the 14 tests here to see if you are really up to the challenge...

Test 1: Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Prepare for pregnancy by attaching a beanbag to your front says the blog
Prepare for pregnancy by attaching a beanbag to your front says the blog

Test 2: Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3: Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
You can kiss goodbye to precious beauty sleep as soon as you have a child
You can kiss goodbye to precious beauty sleep as soon as you have a child
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2.  At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4: Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.


Test 5: Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.


Test 6: Going for a walk
The hilarious blog post details a new parent test for broody mothers
The hilarious blog post details a new parent test for broody mothers
a. Wait.
b. Go out the front door.
c. Come back in again.
d. Go out.
e. Come back in again.
f. Go out again.
g. Walk down the front path.
h. Walk back up it.
i. Walk down it again.
j. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
k. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
l. Retrace your steps.
m. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
n. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7: Conversations with children
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8: Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Feeding your child isn't as easy as it looks according to the test
Feeding your child isn't as easy as it looks according to the test

Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 10:TV
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11:  Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
Are you up to the challenge of parenthood asks this hilarious blog post
Are you up to the challenge of parenthood asks this hilarious blog post
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.


Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13:Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14: Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work
You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2218515/Think-ready-children-Hilarious-new-parent-test-taking-mummy-blogs-storm-MIGHT-just-off.html#ixzz2kDVbSYUE
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Thursday, July 11, 2013

A Kids Update!




 
Soooo..................
 It's been a while since I have really posted anything that was more on the personal side of things so I thought I would give you an up date on my kid's going on's...


Max
 
Max is now 15 months and has started walking! We are so thankful! We were worried that because he had a few seizures when he was younger that it might effect things like him walking and such. He is also talking up a storm!
He can say- Mom, Dad, hi, bye, no, more, eat, want, mine, Mimi, welche ( German for What), Love, liebe (German for Love), and I know that there are several more but for the life of me I can't think of them! He wears a 2T and we will call him Monster LOL He will always be our Monster Max.






Morgan
 
More is 7 now and will be headed into the 1st grade in the fall. He wants to play football again this year but he wants to play tackle although I see nothing wrong with tackle I'm not sure if he has enough size on him yet. Guess we will have to wait and see.  The school year went Perfect for him, he had an AMAZING teacher and never got a single grade below a 98%, we are so proud of him!


 
 
Melessa
 
Melessa has turned into quite the young lady, she currently has hot pink hair ( I dyed it for her) and is a social butterfly. I am starting to think the phone might be growing out of her head and that's why she is always on it! HAHA She did well in school this past year too, she had mostly A/B's and excelled in Science. In the fall she will be starting the 6th grade at the Middle School. I can't believe that she is so big already! I can't wait to see how she grows as a person this year. She is such a big help to me and her brothers. She  makes us so proud.   
 
 
 
 So that's my update LOL I know it's not much but there hasn't been anything exciting to write again in all honesty! It's just the same old same old here which is just fine with me! 
 

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